Catching Up with Joe Gracey Austin Family Magazine February 2002 *Winner Parenting Publications of America (PPA) Gold Editorial Award, 2003* By Erin Prather
The first thing that strikes me about Joe Gracey is the blue in his eyes and depth of his smile. A renowned figure in the Austin music community, Joe Gracey has been influencing folks with his warmth and good-natured humor for years.
He once reached folks with his voice, working as a DJ for the legendary Austin freeform station KOKE-FM. He was the first rock DJ to play Willie Nelson’s music, served as the radio-advertising producer and voice of the Armadillo World Headquarters and coordinated the first season of Austin City Limits.
After such successes Gracey began thinking about his own singing career until life dealt him unforeseen challenges. In 1978 he was diagnosed with oral cancer. Ultimately the doctors had to remove both his tongue and larynx, which made it impossible for him to speak. His time as a DJ had come to an end. Yet life did not and Gracey began to pursue a career in production and engineering.
It was this route that brought him and songwriter Kimmie Rhodes together. Their union, both professionally and personally, has created four Kimmie Rhodes albums, a major publishing deal, a marriage and a daughter, Jole Morgan Goodnight Gracey. I talked with Joe Gracey, via email, about being a cancer survivor, his family and fatherhood.
Erin Prather: In an interview by Austin Chronicle writer Christopher Gray, you wrote to him that after being diagnosed with cancer you believed your life was over and you were “determined to die.” How did you move out of that state of mind? How did you come to understand that you had other things to offer the world other than your voice and show that you were still a “whole” person?
Joe Gracey: Well, that was basically a denial of reality. I thought that if I just walked away from the bad news it would go away. However, it was also based on the fact that I was a singer and talker both for a living and for fun, so it was such awful news to me that I considered just doing nothing, but not for long. When it came down to actually dying, I chickened out pretty fast and said, “Okay, let’s do it and get it over with and I’ll figure something out on the other side.” I had the advantage of having other avenues open to me, such as being a musician or a producer or an engineer, so all was not completely lost—I just had to accept the face that I was going to have to think of something else to do.
EP: You met your wife after having the surgery. How did meeting her and working together (both professionally and in marriage) help you move on from your loss?
JG: Well, after I lost my voice I wanted to try to produce records and have a little independent record label. That’s when I met Kimmie and decided to record some demo tapes with her and see if I Could get some airplay on her in Texas and perhaps give her a boost in her quest to be a successful singer/songwriter. I have to believe that her talent and positive attitude and energy helped me a great deal by giving me something worthwhile to focus on as I began to recover from the trauma I had undergone. So, instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I plunged headlong into trying to help her with her career and stopped thinking so much about myself. She’s a very purposeful person, so it was always a challenge to try to guide all of her energy in directions that would do her good! That was 22 years ago, I’m still trying!
EP: Do you feel that the birth of your daughter served as an inspiration and reminder that life has much to offer?
JG: Of course. You cannot have a child without suddenly being aware of your huge responsibility to this person, and you are always amazed and taught valuable lessons in the process of raising them. After my medical problems, I had undergone a rather profound awakening—nothing was the same after that—life was more precious, small thing meant more, and no day went by without my awareness of it if I could help it. When Jole was born, it was another level of intensity that added to my life. Her presence helped me realize that I was still very much alive and very involved in this life, rather than just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I never thought I would get to be a father, so it was a great joy to me when I found out that I was in fact just that.
EP: What are some of the most important skills a parent can posses for raising a child?
JG: Hmmm, you are asking me? Possibly the worst parent on earth? (Editor’s note: Joe Gracey is known in the community as a caring and responsible parent and his daughter is a delight). Let’s see…patience, a clear sense of what you believe and the ability to not waver in the application of those beliefs when it come to them, a memory of what it was like to be a child, sympathy, firmness, knowing when to say “yes.” For a father, the most important thing is probably figuring out the difference between a bad cold and a life-threatening infection so that they don’t die while your wife is out of town. This matters.
EP: You are also a stepparent (Kimmie has two sons from a previous marriage). Do you have any suggestions or words of advice for blended families?
JG: Well, don’t expect too much, or too little. Don’t expect to replace the real parent because you can’t, but don’t just fade into the woodwork either…I am sure that each relationship of this kind is very different, but I would say that I would try to find the middle ground between some kind of cornball approach (OK, I’m your new dad here…let’s suddenly be best buddies!) and something akin to a potter plant whereby you leave all of the tough stuff to your spouse and go read the paper. I flailed around pretty heavily there for a few years but we eventually figured it out, not without problems, but now we are in fact one family. It is hard, though, I must admit, very tough. If you try to apply the discipline that would as a father, you may seem heavy-handed. If you don’t, you may seem to be unsupportive of your partner. It is pretty much a day to day high wire act, it seems to me, and you just hope you don’t fall off more than once a day.
EP: It can be frustrating at times for someone to get along in a world when they do not fit the norm. How has you family helped you cope with not being like most folks and how has it changed your home life?
JG: Well, for one thing, I use sign language with my family, which greatly increases the speed that I can communicate, which is a relief after using a child’s magic slate with most people. A magic slate restricts me to eight words at a whack…which really screws up a good joke. And of course they are aware of all the various limitations that I live with and help me out with phone calls, stuff like that. I guess I would hope that Jole is more compassionate towards people with disabilities, having lived around me.
EP: What advice do you have for other families who have a member that has faced cancer or other life altering diseases? How can they support that member?
JG: Oh, they just need to be a little more patient, probably…I live with a rather large amount of frustration as part of my daily life, so my family probably understands when I am unreasonable impatient. On the other hand, they don’t cater to me or baby me, either, which is good…nothing is worse than a person with a problem who whines about it or uses it as a crutch all the time…I get my daily dose of healthy reality around here.
EP: You’ve continued to be successful in the music industry as a producer. You have changed directions successfully and continue to be active in a field you love. What inspired you to continue to be involved? Do you feel that understanding a change and learning to alter one’s direction is essential?
JG: I can’t take credit for that because I was already moving in this direction when I lost my voice. I had a small hope of having a singing career, but you can’t base your life on that in most cases, so when I became a producer it was something that I had already decided to do at some point. It wasn’t too hard to figure out that I would never be a singer or radio guy once I lost my voice, either, so what might seem brave was no more than grappling with the anvil of reality that was dropped on my head. But yes, I do think that it is necessary to remain open to change and be able to deal with it as a normal part of existence. The days of getting a job in a company at 20 and retiring there at 65 seem to be over, so we all better get use to being more flexible, eh?
Information about Joe Gracey and Kimmie Rhodes can be found on Kimmie’s web site, www.kimmierhodes.com. You can read Joe’s most recent newsletter to their fans and purchase Kimmie’s CD releases.
